Another funny from Auntie M... Abbott and Costello

You have to be old enough to remember Abbott and Costello, and not too old to REALLY understand computers, to fully appreciate this.

If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their infamous sketch, "Who's on First?" might have turned out something like this:

COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT


ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about buying a computer.

ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.

ABBOTT: Your computer?

COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.

ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou.

ABBOTT: What about Windows?

COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?

ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?

COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look at the windows?

ABBOTT: Wallpaper.

COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.

ABBOTT: Software for Windows?

COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What do you have?

ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?

ABBOTT: I just did.

COSTELLO: You just did what?

ABBOTT: Recommend something.

COSTELLO: You recommended something?

ABBOTT: Yes.

COSTELLO: For my office?

ABBOTT: Yes.

COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?

ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!

ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.

COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, let's just> say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I> need?

ABBOTT: Word.

COSTELLO: What word?

ABBOTT: Word in Office.

COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.

ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.

COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?

ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue "W".

COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue "w" if you don't > > start with some straight answers. What about20financial> bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with?

ABBOT T: Money.

COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?

ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer. > > COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?

ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.

COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?

ABBOTT: One copy.

COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money?

ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.

COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?

ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!

(A few days later)

ABBOTT: Super > > Duper computer store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?

ABBOTT: Click on "START"............. ?

Who Is There ??

Three older ladies were discussing the problems of getting older. One said, 'Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand, in front of the refrigerator, and can't remember whether I need to put it away, or start making a sandwich' .
The second lady chimed in, 'Yes, sometimes I find myself standing on the stairs and can't remember whether I was on my way up or on my way down.'
The third one responded, 'Well, I am glad I don't have that problem; knock on wood, 'as she rapped her knuckles on the table. She looked up and said, 'That must be the door, I'll get it!'

Attention...

In today’s post I’m going to examine the causes, effects and magnitude of the shocking rise in the prevalence of adult Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) and adult Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (AD/HD or ADHD).
You wouldn’t believe how sunny it is now. I’m going out for a jog. Or learn to skydive. Oops. It’s clouding over. Maybe I’ll just stay in and surf the Web.

23 Marriages....Guinness Book of Records

Alexandria native-born Linda Lou Taylor has been married 23 times. With this, she received notoriety again for her12-year-old record for 23 marriages.
Linda Lou Taylor was born in 1940 and was raised in Alexandria, in central Indiana. Her first marriage was in 1957 while her last known marriage was in 1996. She remembers that her first husband, George Scott, is the nicest. She was just 16 at the time and Scott was 31. She married Jack Gourley for three times and was wed to Fred Chadwick for just 36 hours. At present, Taylor is Mrs. Linda Wolfe. She was listed in the Guinness Book of World Records as the most married woman in history. She is the most married person still alive.
68-year-old Taylor has been married to Scott, Street, Smith, Moyer, Massie, McMillan, Berisford, Chandler, Essex, etc.. She holds a Guinness World Record as the most married woman in history. As reported by Gannett News Service, Taylor mentioned that two of her husbands turned out to be gay, that she ended up homelessness for two, one cheated on her, and another choked and padlocked her into the refrigerator.
“It’s easy to sum up,” Taylor said of her oft-married life. “When I was younger I was just a snot-nosed kid but the neighborhood boys were all in love with me. They all wanted to marry me.”
Despite the failure of her 23 marriages and being single for more than a dozen years, Taylor mentioned that she has not ruled out future marriage. “I would get married again,” she told Gannett, “because, you know, it gets lonely.”

Personal note:
I have only been married twice and that was more than enough for this gal.........Although some keep telling me ....3rd time is a charm...hmmmmmm....

Just one of those nights...

Just one of those nights where sleep just isn't gonna happen when I lay down. First I laid there and remembered I forgot to take my medications. The one thing one doesn't want to forget to take is one's antidepressants. More than likely this is why I am not asleep as both of them have relaxants in them. When I got out of bed to take them, Baxter stretched out on all of my side of the bed, so I decided to come catch up on some of my blogs I read daily.

Browsing News Headlines, I came across one I won't soon forget...." Owner Shared Bed and Took Baths With Chimpanzee From Connecticut Attack". I am just not going to comment on that one !!

A few life lessons.....

1- Even if it's only a Christmas card - never lose contact with old friends.
2-Things are seldom as bad as one imagines, give it time.
3-Take lots of pictures.
4-Keep a journal of memories.
5-Never pass up a hug.
6-There's no excuse for being unkind.
7-People who tell you a secret will tell your secrets.
8-Before your children leave home make them teach you the secrets to the tv remote, the answering machine, the computer, and your own cell phone.
9-Treat your children's spouses as your own children.
10-Do your very best at any job you're given to do - no matter how menial.
11-Laugh at yourself.
12-Your heart holds more love than you can ever give away.
13-It's ok if he doesn't change poopy diapers as long as he cleans up "dead critters.'
14-A smile goes along way.
15-There is no magic face cream.

Woman stands trial for selling pierced cats

WILKES-BARRE, Pa. - A Pennsylvania dog groomer has been ordered to stand trial on animal cruelty charges for selling "gothic kittens" with ear, neck and tail piercings.
Holly Crawford's home outside Wilkes-Barre was raided Dec. 17 after the county Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals got a tip.
A prosecutor says Crawford inflicted pain on the cats, which were listed for sale for hundreds of dollars on the Internet. Crawford's attorney says state law says nothing about piercing cats or docking their tails.
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At a preliminary hearing Tuesday, Wilkes-Barre District Judge Paul Hadzick called it a gray area that needs to be decided by a trial judge or jury.
Charges against a second defendant, William Blansett, were dropped after Crawford admitted she pierced the cats.

Hmmm kinda perplexed here...Thinking next they will be saying clipping ears and bobbing tails on dogs is animal cruelty....Not quite sure about piercings????

Central Missouri town bans pit bulls

FAYETTE, Mo. (AP) -- An animal control ordinance that bans getting new pit bulls and requires all dogs to be registered goes into effect this week in a central Missouri town.
The new restrictions in Fayette also limit each home to only three canines unless the owners have registered the animals before the Tuesday deadline.
The City Council unanimously approved the new rules. Other neighboring towns have similar restrictions on pit bulls.
Current pit bull owners will have to show proof of $100,000 of liability insurance, muzzle their pets when they are being walked and provide secure confinement for dogs kept outside.
Any pit bull puppies born in Fayette after Tuesday must be removed from the city after they are 8 weeks old.

Alot of towns are doing this now...

We have two pit bulls that get loose around here every now and then, but we just keep a close eye on them so we don't ever have any problems.

Three men are standing in line waiting to get into heaven.....

Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day, though, so Peter had to tell the first one, "Heaven's getting pretty close to full today, and I've been asked to admit only people who have had particularly horrible deaths. So what's your story?"
So the first man replies: "Well, for a while I've suspected my wife has been cheating on me, so today I came home early to try to catch her red-handed. As I came into my 25th floor apartment, I could tell something was wrong, but all my searching around didn't reveal where this other guy could have been hiding. Finally, I went out to the balcony, and sure enough, there was this man hanging off the railing, 25 floors above ground! By now I was really mad, so I started beating on him and kicking him, but wouldn't you know it, he wouldn't fall off. So finally I went back into my apartment and got a hammer and starting hammering on his fingers. Of course, he couldn't stand that for long, so he let go and fell -- but even after 25 stories, he fell into the bushes, stunned but okay. I couldn't stand it anymore, so I ran into the kitchen, grabbed the fridge and threw it over the edge where it landed on him, killing him instantly. But all the stress and anger got to me, and I had a heart attack and died there on the balcony."
"That sounds like a pretty bad day to me," said Peter, and let the man in.
The second man comes up and Peter explains to him about heaven being full, and again asks for his story.
"It's been a very strange day. You see, I live on the 26th floor of my apartment building, and every morning I do my exercises out on my balcony. Well, this morning I must have slipped or something, because I fell over the edge. But I got lucky, and caught the railing of the balcony on the floor below me. I knew I couldn't hang on for very long, when suddenly this man burst out onto the balcony. I thought for sure I was saved, when he started beating on me and kicking me. I held on the best I could until he ran into the apartment and grabbed a hammer and started pounding on my hands. Finally I just let go, but again I got lucky and fell into the bushes below, stunned but all right. Just when I was thinking I was going to be okay, this refrigerator comes falling out of the sky and crushes me instantly, and now I'm here."
Once again, Peter had to concede that that sounded like a pretty horrible death.
The third man came to the front of the line, and again Peter explained that heaven was full and asked for his story.
"Picture this," says the third man, "I'm hiding naked inside a refrigerator..."

Baxter and Bread......

Don't let this laid back attitude fool anyone...Last night I accidentally left a whole loaf of bread out on the dining room table...It was gone this morning. Nothing left but the plastic bag...How he gets a whole loaf of bread out of that bag without tearing or ripping it is beyond me....LOL We call him Houdini Baxter...LOL

Dog Training..

Obviously you need to get it from the door mat to the DVD player for it to be effective...

Hundreds attend global warming protest....

My Auntie M sent this too me and I wanted to share it with ya'll...LOL

Koala rescued in wildfire-scarred Australia

Sydney---Firefighter David Tree shares his water with an injured Australian koala in a scorched forest near Mirboo North.

It was a heart-tugging scene borne by a chance encounter in the charred landscape of Australia's deadly wildfires: a koala sipping water from a bottle offered by a firefighter.
David Tree noticed the koala moving gingerly on scorched paws as his fire patrol passed. Clearly in pain, the animal stopped when it saw Tree.
"It was amazing, he turned around, sat on his bum and sort of looked at me with (a look) like, put me out of my misery," Tree told The Associated Press on Tuesday. "I yelled out for a bottle of water. I unscrewed the bottle, tipped it up on his lips and he just took it naturally.
"He kept reaching for the bottle, almos t like a baby."
The team called animal-welfare officers to pick up the koala on Sunday, the day after deadly firestorms swept southern Victoria state.

The koala , which turned out to be a female, was in pain but recovering with antibiotics, Jenny Shaw of the Mountain Ash Wildlife Shelter told Melbourne's The Herald Sun newspaper.
"She is lovely — very docile — and she has already got an admirer. A male koala keeps putting his arms around her," Shaw was quoted as saying. "It will be a long road to recovery, but she should be able to be released back into the wild in about five months."

Despite her gender, the now famous koala is nicknamed Sam.

Kissed by a Wild Alaskan Moose !!!!

You folks who live in the “boonies” should be able to relate to this. The fellow in the picture is standing on his back deck which is about two feet off of the ground. He is about six one and 250 lbs; so she is a fair sized critter.

Lawn Mower Taser Arrest

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=95qZtwJNjxk

And here is one with pepper spray....
http://www.biggeekdaddy.com/humorpag...nmowerDUI.html

World's Smallest Car....

The world's smallest car, the Peel 50, nestled between vans in central London on Thursday. The vehicle, built in the 1960s, is going on display at Ripley's Believe It Or Not museum in the capital.