My boyfriend Tony who I lived with for 18 years, passed away in March of this year.
I just feel lost, hurt and angry.
I've never been one for sharing, especially putting a voice to my feelings to anyone.
I get angry because I was his full time
Caregiver over his health as it started failing.
I felt like it was up to me to keep him safe and I feel like I failed both of us. It was so unexpected.
He went into the hospital January and in February they discovered he had esophageal cancer in the late stages. I know I shouldn't punish myself but I cant stop wondering how the heck did we miss that.
His daughter had him brought home on March 21st at 4 p.m. on hospice as he always said he wanted to pass away at home. At 12:30 a.m. on
March 22nd he was gone. The one thing that brings joy to me was he knew he was home. Everytime I told him where he was he squeezed my hand.
I hold onto that memory. I was so scared when they brought him home. I knew after everyone left it would just be him, me and his dog Blu.
Now I look back on it and realize he squeezed my hand to tell me he loved me and was thankful to be at home. He was safe from dying scared and alone.
March 22 2026
My watch was over, a new life, different life, uncharted waters lay ahead for me.
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