Going Through Nighmares to get to Fond Memories

It's been a rough few days here for me. Kinda like a wild roller coaster. One moment I'm still mourning the loss of Tony and I get through that moment and then I remember my sister is gone and I get through that moment. I'm sure not trying to be silly when I say this but, It would be a lot easier combining those crying spells together. But that just doesn't seem how it is going to go. My brain is still wired for both of them to be here, walking this Earth's path with me. The night's, grief and trauma are when the tag-team hit and that's the hardest round. I wake up with nightmares of her last night in her apartment and if Tony was here I'd have someone who I could turn to and wake-up in the middle of the night. So for now I pretty much get some sleep off and on during the day as I hear the sounds of life going on around me and can rest. But nightime is a whole other story. It'stoo quiet and I start to think too much. I've found I do better staying awake during the night. It keeps the nightmares at bay.... Marsha and I were just too close in age growing up. she never hit me but she could sure kick like a mule. We were playing on the front porch and she wanted me to do something and I said no. well unbeknownst to her our Daddy came around the corner of the house just in time to see her kick me in my knee. My leg buckled out from underneath me and I fell off the porch. I watched as our Daddy came up the porch steps, he walked right up behind her and kicked her in the behind, She went flying off the porch and landed out about 5 feet from it. My knee was hurting and swelling up but that did not stopping me from laughing my butt off. Daddy carried me in the house, put me on the couch and made me an ice pack and called the dr for a house visit. . I had to stay in bed a few days as it was too hard to walk on that leg. We were just awful to each other. I had a baby doll that Mom made me promise to never wash her hair. I was always ever so careful when I gave her a bath not to get her hair wet. Marsha got mad at me and filled a wash tub full of water and got a bar of soap and before i could stop her, she was washing my dolls hair. Every bit of her hair fell out. I had a bald baby doll. I was so upset and started thinking how to pay her back. Wasn't long and I had the opportunity to do just that. We were all playing chase and our shed had 2 doors opposite each other and they were both open. I ran in there pulling out a big t.v speaker in her path and then kept on running. It wasn't but a few minutes and shes screaming and crying. She had tripped on that speaker and ripped a big gash in her leg. Mom and Dad took her to the Drs. office and she got stitches. All three of us girls shared a bedroom. Later that night laying in our beds, I chuckled and she turned over to look at me from across the room, I shut right up and went to sleep. LOL But always if anyone tried bullying me, my older sister would step right up and let them know not just her but there were 4 other Dudleys cousins who live within a block of us and they would have to deal with all of them. Needless to say no one ever messed with the Dudley kids. My older sister made sure of that. Later in life, she mentioned how strange that sometimes she was the older sister and then I would be the older sister. I guess it was just which one of us needed the extra support at the moment