Just one of those days...

We all have them. I just seem to have more of them in the last eight months. I'm so used to having someone to discuss my decisions with. I feel pretty confident I know what I'm doing to get through this. But it would sure help to have an ear to bend, a second opinion or at least a high five. Feels strange, I've realized my depending on Tony or my older sister has not served me well. I was really independent at one time. The emotional breakdown changed so much of my life. I lost the ability to go anywhere in public by myself. When I started working at the hospital, I would literally talk to myself the whole drive there and the same walking into work. Once I got inside and was around co- workers I was fine. When they asked me to change from 1st shift to 3rd, one of the conditions was since I worked in the tower alone, anytime i didn't have a room to clean I could sit in the nurses area so I wouldn't be by myself all night. Eventually I quit sitting in there so much with them. Mostly because I became obsessed with cleaning and sanitizing the water fountains on each floor. That was 11 floors of fountains. kept me busy and out of trouble.🤣 I took early retirement because of the pandemic and at the same time Tony's dementia was advancing into another stage. I no longer felt it safe to leave him alone at night. Being his caregiver just became 24/7. I discovered that living with someone who has dementia requires a lot of patience. Now, I'm learning to have patience with myself. I guess we are always hardest on ourselves.